Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He did a backflip because drugs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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