this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
