what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
