No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
