You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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