what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
