Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
