i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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