WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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