so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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