hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
