are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
