my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
