If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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