I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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