i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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