...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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