You just made me feel so damn special
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i came on her dog
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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