I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
