i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
