maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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