it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
