There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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