Where is the hickey?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize