to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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