I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
