He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
