Nicole vs. Life
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
