This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
