I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
