You made me cry and you don't even care
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why are your pants in the freezer?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
