I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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