It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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