this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
