you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
