Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
