No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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