His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
