Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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