Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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