I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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