Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
