Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
