I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Let's get the cat blown out
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
