You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I got inside last night via doggy door
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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