i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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