Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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