Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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