Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
