I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Pooping to opera.
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