the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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