My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
