pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
