I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize