I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize