we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
