I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
