It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
