I don't usually arrange sex via text message
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize