Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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