I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
