it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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