You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
