I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Screwed.edu
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You pole danced in your parka.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize