i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
