I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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