i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like eating out sand paper
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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