3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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