You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
