I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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