Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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