I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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