her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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