Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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