Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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