the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize