If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
4 words: hood of his car
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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